Rock Meets Hard Place

I woke up wondering why Netanyahu is still breathing. He is not supported by Israelis, who are demonstrating against his genocidal policies en masse. And the US continues to arm him.

Bibi is a war criminal. He is duplicitous murderer who is also facing felony charges for fraud. He has funded Hamas and used the October 7 attack to disproportionately bomb the crap out of Gaza. He’s herded Palestinians to Rafah and is bombing that into rubble. It’s unconscionable. And Biden is allowing it.

I disagree with Biden vehemently.

If there was a viable candidate to vote for, I would do it.

But there isn’t. Chewing broken glass is far more appealing to me than voting for TFG (the former guy), who is pro-genocide, and RFK Jr is so bad that even his own family won’t vote for him. Cornell West and Marianne Williamson have as much chance of getting elected as I do, and I probably understand how government works better than they.

The list of bad things that will happen if Biden isn’t re-elected is long and well documented. Look up Project 2025. It isn’t a secret and it’s not theoretical. The right wing will turn the US into a theocracy that white christofascist men will rule.

Not electing Biden doesn’t stop the genocide.

TFG has already said that Netanyahu needs to “finish the job”. Voting third party is a vote for TFG and the gigantic losses for the US and the globe, if he’s elected, precludes any possibility of a third party vote from me. It’s sad, but true, that Biden is our best option for mitigating the disasters that are occurring.

I’m going to vote for Biden because he’s the best choice for this country and because he supports a two state solution. He supports the US constitution. He supports Ukraine.

Here is what I hope will happen: A massive blue wave that gives him two years to fix the most pressing problems. He must use every method he has to stop Netanyahu’s genocide. He’s got to expose the Christian right’s desire for Armageddon and thus their support for Zionism. He needs to say, loudly and clearly, that being anti-Zionist is NOT antisemitism. And he should loudly and clearly support our rights under the First Amendment. He doesn’t need to wait until the election to do some of this, of course.

He needs to fix the “Supreme Court” asap as well. Expanding it to match the Appellant courts is a no brainer, but that’s not enough. If we are to believe that no one is above the law, then a couple of justices need to be prosecuted. Justice Thomas must be removed. So should Justice Alito. Those two, at a minimum. I could see Roberts, Gorsuch, Comey-Barrett and Kavanaugh being removed for perjury during their confirmation hearings, but even I doubt that will happen. That this court is even considering immunity for a president is obscene.

I don’t like our “choices” much but the fact that intelligent and compassionate people are seriously considering a third party vote is frightening BECAUSE it so obviously doesn’t fix a damn thing! A third party vote is pouring gasoline onto the fire! This is so obvious that I can’t believe I need to shout it. It will punish the people we hope to protect. That is just a fact.

Biden, Christofascists, first amendment, Gaza, genocide, Hamas, Israel, Israelis, Netanyahu, protests, TFG, third part, US Supreme Court

Sanity vs Insanity

We woke up to a winter wonderland this morning. Maybe 3 inches of snow. Roads are slushy and slick.

Still happier in Michigan than in Missouri. Missouri had a mass shooting yesterday and kids got hurt. Governor Mike Parson ran away from the carnage he and his party have unleashed. Missouri has extremely loose gun laws and repugs have successfully fought off red flag laws, background checks, and other reasonable restrictions on gun ownership.

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Red states have a lower life expectancy than blue states, partly because of gun deaths and partly because repugs wouldn’t expand Medicaid because of Obama. Hospitals in rural areas have closed. And now, with the abortion ban in effect, OB/GYNs are leaving the state in droves.

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Missourians say they value life. Their votes don’t match their words.

I’m glad to be out of there!

Looking for Home

It is so cool that Michigan’s 3rd congressional district, where I’ve lived for most of my life, has turned blue.

This is Jerry Ford’s old district. The 3rd flipped blue for one cycle after Watergate. The entire state got gerrymandered under repug rule, and the DeVos/Prince families had a chokehold on it, but fair maps have been put into place and Hillary Scholten is representing the 3rd and I’m pleased to be back to support her in 2024.

I don’t have a large bucket list, but living in a blue district once before I die is on it, and this is my first opportunity! Not the greatest time of year to be house hunting, but never let it be said that I do things the easy way. Thrilled to be out of Missouri, working to resuscitate a moribund marriage, I also decided to quit smoking because life just wasn’t painful enough. It’s been over a week without tobacco and it’s not getting easier!

I think we looked at over 20 places before finding our Missouri Compromise. Only getting started here, seeing four yesterday and more scheduled ahead.

It is so much fun to see what businesses are still around (yay…Yesterdog is still here!) Will also be checking out the marijuana dispensaries here in Western MI. I’ve purchased weed in Colorado, Illinois, and Missouri, so comparing those experiences to Michigan will be instructive. Also looking forward to growing a plant or two once settled.

I swear that my everyday mood has improved since I’m not following any of the elected officials of Missouri anymore. The daily lies and fear mongering from jokers like Hawley and Schmitt could bum Norman Vincent Peale out. Now I get to see what Big Gretch and Hillary Scholten have to say. Seeing comments by sad MAGAts is just icing on the cake.

The mitten is cold and grey, but it’s blue.

3rd CD, blue, bucket list, Gretchen Whitmer, Hawley, Hillary Scholten, Jerry Ford, marijuana, marriage, Michigan, Missouri, Repugs, Schmitt, Watergate, weed, Yesterdog

3rd CD, blue, bucket list, Gretchen Whitmer, Hawley, Hillary Scholten, Jerry Ford, marijuana, marriage, Michigan, Missouri, Repugs, Schmitt, Watergate, weed, Yesterdog

Back in the Mitten

Happy to be home in Michigan even with this forecast.

Ran some errands yesterday and didn’t get lost or disoriented.

Went to Schuler Books on Saturday and stocked up on reading material. Love that bookstore! Had lunch, browsed, and found some treasure.

Today is perfect for staying in and reading.

Goodbye 2023!

I’m pretty happy to say goodbye to one of the worst years of my life.

Yeah, I made it. I’m going home to Michigan in the new year and starting fresh.

Looking backwards, I particularly want to give a shout out to a certain 71 year old South County succubus who spouts sisterhood but acts differently. You know who you are, Shallow, and I wish you every bit of the karma you’ve earned. You wrecked a 33 year marriage and accepted money and gifts while doing it. I think there is a name for that. May you reap as you’ve sown.

Looking forward, I wish for peace, for the world and for my loved ones. I hope 2024 is filled with animals and love and healing and recovery and lives filled with comfort and joy.

Moving On

My life has taken quite a turn this last year and I will not be sorry to see 2023 end.

I can’t call my husband the Cowardly Lyin anymore because the man has stepped up bigly. He’s stopped lying, for one thing, and he rescued me from a meltdown, for another. He has ended the affair. Probably the most helpful thing he did was to buy a couple of books to help him through this crisis. When he showed them to me, I rolled my eyes. I’m very skeptical of the self help industry in general, and the title of one had me smirking until I read it.

Getting Past the Affair sounds like manipulation, doesn’t it? Hurry up, honey, ignore what I’ve done and get past it!

This book has helped me so much that I want to recommend it for anyone who is struggling with marital infidelity. Whether the betrayal is emotional or physical or both, and whether you are the injured party or the perp, this book lays the emotions out and gives you language to think about what you want and need at a very traumatic time. At no time does it let anyone off the hook or excuse hurtful behavior. It takes courage to forge through the history and pain and try to make sense of past, present and future. It never assumes a particular outcome, other than that the individuals make some informed decisions to move past the pain into a better future for them.

There is no candy coating that working through the trauma will be easy or quick. It identifies what needs to be talked about in how much detail and identifies pitfalls for the parties involved.

My knot has loosened since reading it. I think that’s the best review you can give a self help book.

My Knot

My knot showed up on August 8. It’s not my first knot, and probably not the last, but it has made itself right at home.

The knot isn’t that big. It doesn’t occupy all of my stomach, but it twirls and bounces and dips. As the content grows, the knot gains weight. It vibrates.

In August and September, the knot was dread and rage and confusion. Confusion definitely increases the movement of the knot because the brain is constantly trying to rid itself of it. As the brain churns through the available information, the knot dances. And my brain was so fogged by grief and sadness and shock, that it just churned. Endless loops of questions made the knot shimmy and shake.

November saw the addition of pure hatred to the knot. Being so disrespected by someone so close to me caused dreams of revenge and punishment. Rage is a productive emotion for me; it compels action. Then came jealousy and embarrassment and shame. The knot doesn’t get bigger with the additions, of course, but it weighs a lot more. Impossible now to ignore it. The dancing affects appetite and I’ve shed pounds. The dancing keeps me awake at night.

The decision to move back to my home state was a no-brainer. I can’t have my mom anymore, but I can have friends and familiar streets. November and this month saw some decisions made and action taken and still the knot remains.

This was the week we were to sign the divorce papers and settlement agreement. I agreed to put a hold on it. I’m trying to appease the knot. The knot remains.

Book Love

When I’m in pain, I read.

I’ve read over 70 books so far this horrible year. Some are re-reads, to decide if the book is worthy of the move from Missouri.

My top five releases in 2023 all share certain characteristics. Obviously, all are well written. And too, the setting is another character in each book. Events take place in a certain time and certain place.

Absolution by Alice McDermott is set in Vietnam, just after JFK is elected. It’s told by the wife of one of the best and brightest that spied or otherwise worked against communism in the South of the country. I had forgotten (or maybe ignored) how religion was a driver there.

The Covenant of Water by Abraham Verghese is a saga of an Indian family and village living on the Malabar Coast. Beautifully written, with vibrant characters and rich detail you can almost smell.

Small Worlds by Caleb Azumah Nelson details life in England for a young man and his brother and their Ghanaian parents and the struggle between two worlds. Kinda reads like a jazz album.

Tom Lake by Ann Patchett resonated strongly with me as it is set in Michigan on Grand Traverse bay. It’s about young people making choices. Ms Patchett is one of my favorite authors. I didn’t want this book to end.

Lady Tan’s Circle of Women by Lisa See is set in China a long time ago. Any woman will understand the struggle to use talents and knowledge despite tradition or cultural expectations.

Books are my religion and my salvation. They lift me out of myself and teach me so much. Make a New Year’s resolution to read more books!

Superiority

Bunky and I are celebrating five months together today. He’s been my constant companion through the very worst months of my life. He has taken the entire emotional rollercoaster ride in stride.

What I love most about animals is simply their presence. They are what they are with no pretense, no ego, no lies or hidden agendas. Bunky is my fourth dog. They have all been unique, of course, but this guy has surprised me with his empathy.

We have our routine. We get up and go outside first thing. He gets breakfast (and this guy gobbles! I’ve bought dishes to slow him down, but he’s a lunatic for food) and we go out for a longer walk after I’ve had my breakfast. Normally, he’s chomping at the bit for exercise and exploring (looking for things to eat). For two days, though, I was feeling ill and really not able to do what he’s accustomed to and both days he was slow. Both days he turned around fairly soon and seemed content. He seems completely tuned into me and my feelings.

He learns pretty quickly. When he first arrived, Louise was still alive. The cats food and litter boxes were kept in the basement and that area was off limits to him. I never had to put up a gate at the stairs. He would just stand there, in a stay, and wait for me to come back upstairs. After Louise died, and I started going to the basement to pack up, he joined me, usually with a toy in his mouth.

I went through all of my Christmas decorations last week. Had a bag next to me for items that could be donated. Ended up filling three bags, but Bunky found a stuffed moose and decided it was his. No squeakers, but that moose joined his other toys on the couch. No matter how many times I pick up his toys and put them into a toy box, by the next day, every toy is back on the couch or near it.

Each night, I announce bedtime. For months, he would bring a toy into the bedroom and onto the bed. I’ve explained many times that bedtime means we go to sleep. I would pick up the toy and put it out of the room. He’d try to go get it, thinking this is a new game. The last two nights, he’s come running into the bedroom without a toy. I think he’s got it!

Then it’s a race to get into the bed before he does. I have to claim my spot, because he is a bed hog. He sleeps between the top sheet and the duvet, curled into my stomach. We wake up in different positions sometimes, but he’s never awakened me during the night.

We will be moving north in the new year. That will be our first long car ride together. He’s fine in the car (though he has puked once) as long as we’re moving. If we stop, and I get out of the car and go into a store, he starts crying and whining and barking. I keep telling him I’m coming right back. Maybe after we’ve moved to a completely new state, new house, new area, and we are still together, he will be able to relax and trust my love for him.

Trust takes consistency over time.

I hope I’m able to earn his. It would be an honor to receive it.

Status

Over a nine month period of time, I lost my entire household of two cats, two dogs, and a husband. The husband left, the others died. And so fortunately for me, I added Bunky to it before losing the final two.

It’s been a challenge. I haven’t lived alone for 34 years. Habits do form. Breaking them feels illicit sometimes. I’ve always enjoyed alone time, though. A loner by nature isn’t afraid of being alone. I am afraid of being lonely, but I’ve been loneliest when other people are around.

And now the holidays are here. I’ve hated holidays for decades. The pressure of consumerism. The pressure to conform to certain traditions. The usurped meaning of them. Now there will be very little of that. I’ve got loads of Christmas decorations and many of my mothers. I’ll probably put some mementos out. Good excuse, too, to cull before the move.

There has been unexpected pleasure in living alone. I’ve rearranged the living room. I eat and sleep on my own schedule. The laundry is practically nothing. Bunky and I have a schedule of sorts. And if I get into a book and forget to take a shower, who cares? It’s so much easier to simplify when it’s one plus a four footer.

Still, though, holidays suck and they especially suck now.