The Ghost Child

Mr. Nobody and I were in the car for a long road trip recently and the subject of the ghost child came up.

(I am a malfunctioning female who was never able to have children, but there was evidence that I did conceive at one time, hence, speculation about that child.)

She would be 21 now.

While I can say today, that I’m eternally grateful that this child was never able to grow in my useless uterus, I still feel a sense of loss. We stupid humans can never feel just one thing, now can we?

Most of my speculation runs toward the romantic – she would be red-haired and brown-eyed, with killer cheekbones and olive skin. She’d be small but perfectly formed. She would be……..oh, fuck it, who am I kidding? She’d probably be a monster.

Give the DNA on the two sides, the kid was doomed.

Kids never do inherit your best qualities, do they?

The Ghost Child would probably have had more in common with James Holmes than with Ariel.

And that is assuming the child would have made it into young adulthood. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have coped well with the temper tantrums of the twos and threes, and adolescence might have been the last straw – and that is based solely on knowing how I treated my mother when I was 13.

Or it could have gone another way entirely, and I would have become an activist who gets arrested over and over and becomes such an embarrassment to the Ghost Child that she winds up working for Monsanto to pay me back for abandoning her.

The ungrateful bitch.

Then I try to imagine the Ghost Child as a male and my mind goes completely blank. I think I would have been so disappointed at that moment that it would have poisoned the kid’s entire life.

So I’m a horrible human being that didn’t get either what she wanted or needed, but probably what was right. And I’m okay with that.

(P.S. I tried to embed an image of James Holmes but the stormtroopers on wordpress wouldn’t let me, even though those images can be found on any news site. So, no image of Ariel, either. It would have been maybe a little funnier if I could have done what I wanted to do. Sorry.)

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